Story of my life

If I am to tell my story
I'd rather live in hell
My painful song isn't that worthy
Its soul lies in a cell
What should I ask to have an answer?
Cause my beliefs are wrong
And now I am on a stage...but I'm a lonely dancer
And yet I am still asking, to whom do I belong?

My mind is full of darkness but I am still alive
Keep thinking without sleeping, cause I'm afraid of nightmares
I wonder what is faith?Who do I have to strike?
I need to know for sure...who's answering my prayers?
My reasons for my actions are far from being solved
My motivating self is lost in time and motion
Nothing can change me now, my soul is still involved
In sorrow and regrets and powerful emotion
A chance to freeze my time is yet impossible
A life without a living is like an empty bottle
I tried to be that person nice and likable
I noticed I solve nothing, I keep blocking myself
I must awake my evil part, my desire for cold blood
I'll leave my innocence and heart on a broken shelf
I will embrace my darkness and I won't fall in mud
I will feed my pain with hate and deadly poison
I'll be a restless warrior with a wild calling for killing
You know I won't be merciful. I'm thinking like a lion
The torture won't be easy, it will be slow and thrilling.

The story of my life will be an endless nightmare
For those who'll try to stop me, fulfilling my desires
My anger is my weapon and yet I deeply swear
Someday I might return to my ball of fire
Full of beliefs and faith, hope and happiness
Maybe I will bring back my beating heart and smile
Maybe I will forget my thoughts and sadness
I will go back in time and hope this won't be worthless.

Different path

I've been covered by mistake for too long
I need to change some things, especially my song
I have to change my vision and my path
I must change my life's fancy hat
Uncertainty is hanging with spinning messy thoughts
I'll be a slave to failure if I will pay the costs.
I'll lose everything I've earned, judging the wrong I did
If I won't be bright enough to take the perfect bid
Everything I had should be left behind
My principles, beliefs, totally declined.

My past and everything in it, should burn down into ashes
My memories should fade away before my present crashes
Everything I was before should be covered in darkness
And hope should give me wigs to fly around my conscience.
I will embrace the new path which is not that far
Because I feel I'm strong enough to focus on my star
I'm capable of greater things, to prove myself worthy
I have a future in front of me for which I'm feeling ready.

Incomplete

                                                                                                  

It feels like empty people walk away in sand
And yet my heart is drowning in cold blood.
I hate it when strange voices, keep telling me to raise a hand
To hope for something incomplete, already buried in mud.
I don't want to face this world alone, to break my every tear
I'm just a fragile soul, not even half of stone...
Stuck in time and years...

My darling, ouh my love, If only I could show you
That you're the blood pulsing my heart
If you would let me show you that I can give you something new
If only you knew, my love, that I can't live apart.

Not even the greatest fiddler can't sing my strongest love
There are no words invented for what I am and feel
No one will ever know what I am thinking of
Because my strongest will is like a heart of steel.

I'd rather die alone, than living without you
I'd rather forget myself and lose myself in darkness
I'd rather give away my soul, than not be loved by you
I'd rather go blind forever, than living in cold madness.

New roads to walk

Never look back when a big change arrives
Always embrace a chance that suddenly strikes
When you wish upon a star for something big to happen
You have to wait a while, it comes all of a sudden.

Believe in what you are and fight for what you want
Cause live is full of darkness and yet is relevant
But still there is that shinny hope that lives inside your heart
You have in mind new roads to walk and new friendships to start.

Tales of some thoughs

I learned a lot of things, dear reader
And still I kept my sorrow...
I wished for a better life, my dear
Still waiting for tomorrow...
My youth is blind and full of uncertainty
My mind is flying over seas and mountains...
But I forgot my innocence and now I'm feeling tirsty,
And life is like a scene with actors, without a crowd and curtains.
...................
Mistakes I made, a lot of them
..and yet I lost some battles
I paid, I learned and here I am...
Still carying my candles.
A woman's heart is strong enough
To walk through life and death
And yet her soul is wildly rough
Until she gives her last breath.
....
I wish to be wise enough,to pass over dusty thoughts
I wish to have a better luck, I wish to see things clearer
I keep my faith tight enough and keep holding on the knots
'Cause getting back my strenght is like regaining my heart's mirror....

Childhood

Oh childhood, dear childhood
I lost you in the neighbourhood
Where are those days of lightning?
Where are those foolish fightings?
I see myself today,I lost myself in yesterday
I keep my sorrow away and still I miss my way...
Sometimes I want to go back in time,
To cherish my early bedtime...
Sometimes I miss my mother, who lived trough my childish smile
Who used to tell me stories about an emerald isle...

Oh childhood, dear childhood
I lost you in those darken woods..
Forced to become mature,and to forget my innocence
But still I have my soul imprinted with your essence.
You're like a broken bridge right now, impossible to cross
I need to find a way..or somehow I'll be lost...
I miss that burning sun, I miss those childish games
I regret my years... and still...no one to blame..
This valuable treasure is kept safe in my heart
And that is why my childhood will be my priceless art!

Voi fi...

Imi amintesc cum timpul, cu greu trecea in gandu-mi,
Ceasul batea-n crepuscul si nu puteam dormi
Un sentiment amar imi macina fiinta
Plangeam cu lacrimi seci, mereu in nestiinta
Nu-ntelegeam de ce s-a dus pe-un fir de apa
Tot ce simteam odata... s-a stins usor pe-o pleoapa...
Ai aparut in calea-mi, pe-o aripa de inger
A fost de-ajuns o data sa ma privesti prin fulger
Sa-mi tai respiratia tinandu-ma de mana,
Moment cand timpul iar, se-opreste si amana
Trecerea-n rutina, pentr'-o inima plapanda'
Ce-a-nvatat sa bata iar, pentru privirea-ti blanda...

Nu te opri acum, ia-ma in lumea ta
Unde vom fi doar noi si-unde pe veci vom sta
Uita de lumea toata si tine-ma in suflet
Voi fi lumina ta si-n gandu-ti un rasunet...
Te voi iubi mereu, si poti sa ma citesti
Prin ochi direct in suflet, atunci cand ma doresti...

Fighting

I keep my soul from anger and pain
I open my heart to feel this rain
But I'm not sure of what future has for me
And all I want right now is everything I see
I feel uncertain and somehow lost
I've got nothing and what I hate the most
Is that feeling of fighting without knowing why
Which is more like being blind and living in a lie.

And I open my eyes over again
Hoping there is a worthy pact to gain
I keep fighting without knowing why
My temper is blocked without being shy
My anger is confusing in a cloudy dust
My mind is fighting hard with this filthy rust
For knowing answers I cannot accept
Barely I left outside those promises I kept
Someway I need to focus on my willing for surviving
And now I wonder why, I have to keep on fighting?

Ploaia

 Prin tunete constante o inima se zbate
Si-o ploaie zbuciumata in suflet parca-mi bate
Mi-e greu sa inteleg de ce acum ma-ncearca
Un sentiment ce parca gandul mi-l demasca...
Misteru-i ma-nconjoara si imi blocheaza pulsul
E ca si cum durerea,dispare-ntr-un crepuscul...
Un chip, o aratare, un om..o entitate
A aparut in calea-mi, cu-o rara abilitate...
A fost de-ajuns o data sa ma cuprinda-n brate
Ca eu sa tremur toata pe-un ac cu doua ate...
Dar ploaia mi-a adus, in noaptea fara glas
Privirea-i minunata pierduta intr-un ceas.
Iar focul s-a aprins in ochii-i fulgerati
Iar noaptea ne-a lasat, de toti sa fim uitati...

Dansul

Povestea mea de vara a inceput cu'n dans
Pe-un ritm si fara sunet si cu un mic suspans
Un loc uitat de lume dar totusi luminat
M-a luat in pasi de dans, totul a fost uitat...
Moment furat din filme,de-un romantism etern.
Subtil mi-aduc aminte de raiu-mi in infern...

Ceasul a stat in loc,iar el m-a luat in brate
Simteam cum sentimentul se leaga-n doua ate
Eram copii naivi legati de-un timp al noptii
Eram in lumea noastra lipsita de conceptii...
In brate-i tremuram si sincer ma privea
El imi zambea frumos dar totusi parc'avea
O teama de refuz dar totusi astepta
Momentul oportun, sa pot eu accepta...
Mi-a luat palma in mana-i si fara sa vorbim
In cativa pasi de dans ca sa ne-ademenim...
O clipa minunata, furata dintr-un vis
A fost de-ajuns in noapte, sa nu cad in abis...
Ne priveam nedumeriti cu ochi intrebatori
Si ma gandeam ca poate, noi suntem doar datori
Sa invatam ce inseamna sa nu fim doar actori...
Si-atunci purtati de val noi ne-am imbratisat
Timid il tot priveam si-atunci m-a sarutat 

Remember this!

I guess I finally found my words
I can express my thoughts.
It's been too long and no one knows
I am no longer lost.

Once I met a simple man, a childish way of being
A strong mind,big dreams and different way of seeing
He somehow changed my principles and made me feel more confident
And when we were together, everything was different...
The love we shared was something indescribable
I never wanted him to believe that I venerated him
My big mistake which troubled me was something recognizable
I loved him more than words can say, for him this sounds a bit grim.

"Dear one, if this break up was meant to be, I want you to remember me
I never venerated you, I simply loved you truly
Both of us made some mistakes, some of them unruly...
Maybe we just can't be friends because of what we shared
Because of our foolish self-pride we separated roads
And this stressful time got us weak and scared.
If you will ever read this, remember what I said
No matter who you'll be, you'll have that special place
If this was meant to be, for my mistakes I paid
I have no doubt, no matter what ...you won't forget my face!"

Fire subtiri

Oh viata, scurta viata, mereu te tot subtii
Imi trece tineretea dar totusi ma sustii.
In critice momente simti ca te scufunzi
Decizii nedorite in soapte le ascunzi...

Ma uit totusi in urma, nici urma de regrete
Durerea nu se curma pe aripi de secrete...
Haotic ochii plang si vor doar alinare
Din partea celui care, le-au provocat uitare.
Macar o data, Doamne, sa-mi sting dorul nespus
Sa uit pentru o clipa de viata-mi, la apus...
Din pura ratiune s-a stins totul sub ceas
Iar inima se'neaca-n nisipul fara glas...

Oh viata, scurta viata,un simplu fir de ata
Misterul mi-a luat locul si totul e in ceata...

Did I ever tell you ?

The truth is beyond my thoughts, and now I feel alright
But did I ever tell you, I'm better to have known you ?
That shadow of a doubt had turned to sand one night!
And I will keep my memories. You know I truly loved you...

Each moment meant the most, I think you understand...
But did I ever give you the strength you've given me?
Sometimes life seems to get in the way, and that is pretty sad
Harsh days were lost in time but now I really see...

No matter what I'll try you'll be inside my heart
But did I ever tell you  I'm proud of who you are?
I just forget to say what I mean, this is the senseless part.
It feels like you're not here but still you're not that far...

I want to sit down and write for you a heartfelt poem
I want to shout it out in a silent crowd
Our eyes forgot their colour, but their love had grown.
For once in my life I want to scream out loud ...

I know there is no chance, I'm used with the idea
But I will always love you no matter who I'll be
And still there is a question that strikes my big dilemma.
Something that ripped my mind, something I cannot see

It's hard to fight these feelings when It feels so hard to breathe
I just don't want to see another face, another kiss to blow
But did I ever tell you I still want to believe?
I'll wait no matter what ...and you already know

Maybe you'll take the second chance, just open up your heart
Or maybe I am wrong with all my reckless hope
There's something in the wind which told me from the start
To never give up my belief, to hold tight to the "rope"...

Everything is shadowed now, but my love for you is strong
I know your answer's not the same, but life is really crazy
I miss your eyes and smile, I think it's been too long
I'm scared of what I'm saying and everything is hazy.......

But did I ever tell you I love you... this way?

Between the bars

Irrelevant emotion behind a cloudy whisper
Keep bouncing in my mind with my entire heart.
Confusing as it seems, this is my weirdest winter
And I keep walking darling, to find another start...

Imprisoned in my soul,between the bars I see
My future and my past...I don't know where I'll be!
I want to understand the true meaning of life,
To free myself again, to throw another dice.

Between the bars I see,what I've been looking for
In the winding down hours, to find an opened door.
Between the bars I'll be, until I'll find my way
And I think soon enough I'll have something to say.

Pain

 I used to say "I'm happy"...I used to say "I'm strong"
A moment lost in dust is all I know right now.
Maybe I lost my hope or maybe I was wrong
The pain inside my soul is all I want to blow...
I wish I could create a fake feeling of love
My tears are all I have to bury all my sorrow
I don't know why my trust is shining like a dove
My heart is bleeding slowly because there's still an arrow.

Dor

As vrea sa pot sa-ti scriu ceva, dar pana-mi tremura cantand,
Hartia sufera in chin, cand sterg si tai cuvinte,
Gandul meu intrebator priveste-n larg razand
Suspina greu si suflul meu si dorul pentru tine...
Inima imi bate greu. In lipsa ta e-o piatra,
Ce cade imediat in gol si e pustie-n ceata.

Noaptea se contopeste-n zi,iar timpul se opreste
Si ziua se ascunde-n noapte cand eu privesc in gol...
In intuneric pustiit privirea-ti imi lipseste
Si adorm pe-o creanga de maslin furata de un idol
Ce-n agitate ganduri imi sfredeleste visul
Iar eu fara putere imi incetez si scrisul.

Winter grief

The window is not open,the sky is crying grey
I'm dreaming? Is it snowing?
..Must go outside and play...
My heart is deeply smiling,I don't know where I'm going,
Wish to reveal the child, that lies between the chains of life,
To throw away the solitude which blocks my will for freedom,
Snowflakes on my face,beneath my feet is ice,
To feel the winter's whiteness against my foolish wisdom.

I take a lonely snow walk, I try to freeze my thoughts
I see some playing children with some enchanted laughs
Beyond my icy memories, I miss that childish sunshine
I miss those snow balls fights, when all the world was mine...
When angels made of snow where our lovely guides,
When goofy snowmen where our lovers, in our spinning minds...
I miss my old and rusty sleigh which was my fancy car
And all of these are missed a lot, even my wishing star.

Gothic waltz

Rise upon the weakness,dust with darkness fall
In a world of dark ages,flooding twisted minds,
Humble be thy waltz,that waits for you to call
When the blood creeps and the fear finds...
A dancemaster in a midnight's clock.
Locked inside his gothic rhythm and his lifeless piece of heart...
Tingles the nature's blessing, racked by his deadlock,
Lies beneath his madness which so deeply weaves.

A lost soul was born,from his eternal grief
She found her way to live, in a gothic doll
The night was cold and frozen with leafs..
Haunting his thoughts when the faith is small...
She came toward him,with much respect she bowed,
He took her fragile hand and then the waltz began.
The corpses all around gathered in the crowd
His pangs,his pain disappeared, behind a sensuous gothic waltz...

Nu stiu ce caut...

Caut...nu stiu ce caut,Caut un cer noros
O vreme-ndepartata si-un zambet pretios.

Caut nu stiu ce caut. Un suflet linistit...
O voce ne-nfricata si-un sunet chinuit.
Nu stiu sa inteleg ce mi-ar fi de folos
Privesc in gol aievea si este de prisos.
Nu stiu ce-astept. Probabil...caut si nu gasesc
Ma uit ingandurata si nu stiu ce vorbesc...
De tine am nevoie, sau poate chiar nu am
Caci noaptea asta-i sumbra, stau si privesc la geam...
Si-as vrea sa inteleg de ce am iar momente?
Si cred ca totu-i bine...cand defapt nu e...
Sau poate nu-mi dau seama ca timpul sfasiat
Imi porunceste sobru sa las totul uitat.
In asta lume seaca, ma simt un singur om
Fiinta fara viata, desi simt ca iubesc...
O viata linistita e tot ce imi doresc.
Desi ma-nvart in haos, si ma scufund in stres
Dar in acelasi timp, chiar nu am de ales.
Sunt calma, vad in vid si nu reactionez
Zambesc, trec mai departe si chiar ma resemnez.
Caci am zile frumoase in care ma gandesc
Ca totul trece, vine, si nu pot sa visez.
Caci singura ma simt intr-un ocean de oameni
Nu esti cand am nevoie, nu e nimic si nimeni.
Am zile cand as vrea, sa pot sa te privesc
Am clipe cand visez sa fii ce imi doresc...
Poate gandesc prea mult, sau simt ca-mi este greu
Si-ncerc sa merg departe..sa triumfez mereu
Oricare-ar fi sentinta,orice ar fi sa fie
Las totu-n alb si negru, intr-o fotografie...

Caut..nu stiu ce caut.Caut sa ma-ntelegi
Sa ma ajuti, te rog... si gandu-mi sa dezlegi...

Intrand in casa ta..[updated and reposted]

Intru in casa ta, fara sa sun la usa, emotionata si plina de idei ciudate, parca as vrea o dezlantuire aparte...o joaca, urc pe scari, buimaca...traversez holul spre camera ta pentru a-ti simti mirosul, dar stiu foarte bine ca nu trebuie sa fiu aici fara permisiune... intru si gasesc o dezordine care imi place...  Imi scot hainele de pe mine si iau o camasa de-a ta, care e foarte larga. Ma asez in patul tau si iau perna impregnata cu parfumul tau si o strang in brate...imi musc buzele...te vreau langa mine, visez zambind cu ochii deschisi la aparitia ta in pragul usii ...dar inca nu apari...oare te-ar deranja prezenta mea neasteptata sau te-ar surprinde placut?


Ma ridic din pat, ma duc la un dus...apa e perfecta...imi musc iar buzele, ma mangai pe tot corpul, parul imi atarna greu pe umeri...te astept langa mine, sa ma iei in brate sa ma privesti adanc in ochi si sa-mi respiri greu pe gat, sa ma iubesti ...dar inca nu apari...Ies din dus, goala, ma ducin patul tau, ma invelesc usor cu un cearsaf, lasand descoperite piciorul drept si mainile...ma cufund usor in perna impregnata intens cu parfumul tau...visez cu ochii deschisi, am nevoie sa ma iubesti...dar nu apari...adorm fara sa vreau...

Deodata o mangaiere grea si tandra in acelasi timp, imi cuprinde coapsele...te-am asteptat..ai venit langa mine...buimaca ma trezesc din somn cu batai puternice ale inimii ce par a-si pierde ritmul haotic o data cu tine.. un sarut aprins pe gat, o mangaiere calda ... ma las purtata de val si de momentul care parca si-a pierdut bataile de ceas...ma ajuti sa ma simt intreaga...ma incalzesti usor...ma ajuti sa uit de stresul de zi cu zi si reusesti sa implinesti momentul cu noi energii... Iti soptesc usor 'te iubesc'...si-ti zambesc cu multa caldura ...primesc in schimb un "te iubesc" si o-mbratisare apasata ....


....visez? oare visez?...da ..am visat...mi-e dor de tine...de noi ...mi-e dor ..dar astept :)